They say goldfish actually lead a very interesting life. There memory
is so short that each time around the bowl is a new adventure. Goldfish
would probably love the JEW: we windsurfed, we biked, we did yoga, we went
to bed at 9:30, we windsurfed, etc. That said, goldfish would probably
love staying on Maui with Jon and Eric, too. But for those of you who
remember reading last week’s JEW (and for those of you who don’t, let me
recap: we windsurfed, we biked, we did yoga, etc.) I have been asked to provide
another perspective on Maui life.
My biggest surprise on coming to Maui was to find that there actually are
lots of girls on the island. Since my only sources of information prior
to arrival were video clips in my weekly JEW, I assumed Maui had an extraordinarily
high ratio of men to women. But the beaches, towns and yoga classes
are actually overflowing with attractive women of all sorts, including our
stunning yoga instructor. In fact, after yoga one day, Jon stayed late
to try to get some of our attractive yoga classmates to join us on a hike.
I waited outside and after ten minutes, Jon was successful. Two of
our classmates, Tim and Rob, were more than happy to join us. On the hike,
we passed several moderate to very attractive bikini-clad women – and with
Eric filming all the way, I was sure proof of females on Maui was finally
going to make it into an edition of the JEW. While watching the video
on our return, however, I realized there was not any footage of women at
all – but there were over thirty minutes of Jon hiking, Jon climbing, Jon
swimming, Jon jumping, etc. I guess the camera must have inadvertently
shut off every time we passed a female – or maybe the editors simply have
a better understanding of the JEW readership, and know that footage of a
couple guys hiking is far more compelling to the average JEW subscriber,
than say, the 5’2”, cute, dripping wet, 22-year old blonde girl in a red
bikini that we passed on the way up.
Besides hiking and yoga, I spent most of my time this first week hanging
with the windsurfing crowd. One of the great things about windsurfers
is the immediate bonding that takes place among fellow practitioners.
Eric and Jon’s neighbors are a very social group, often inviting them to
join them on the patio, or for beers on the beach, or for a night out in
Makawao, Paia or other happening towns. The fact that Eric and Jon
have not ever taken them up on an offer does not make the neighbors any less
social. Of course, the neighbors haven’t discovered the real hard-core Maui
nightlife, namely playing Scrabble and watching “Not Another Teen movie”
over and over. But they are a sophisticated group. One day while
sitting on the beach enjoying the sun, one of them remarked to me, “that’s
a big book you got there. I read a big book once”. Comforting
to know. And they’re great at killing centipedes and what-not. Other
groups of friendly people stay in the neighboring apartments for a couple
of weeks at a time and immediately feel at home. Just yesterday, our
new Japanese neighbor knocked on our door and without even feeling the need
to say hello, said, “TV broken. Please fix”. It’s good to know
the new neighbors immediately felt part of the community.
TThe other day we treated our neighbors to some live entertainment right out
on the patio. While there are few things in life more enjoyable than
eating slow-cooked, BBQ’d Baby Back Ribs, there are probably few things more
entertaining to our neighbors than watching three Jews try to cook three
slabs of pig ribs without setting themselves on fire. Eric’s flaming
aluminum foil trick was quite impressive. All in all, it was not bad
for our first attempt (the house is still standing, after all) and after
finishing the last morsel, it became clear to me that no one, Jew or otherwise,
should be deprived of such a succulent meal. It seems appalling to
me that in this day and age people are deprived of their right to such pleasures
simply because of their religion. It sounds downright discriminatory
to me.
But eating with Jon and Eric doesn’t end with a few ribs. For the second
Sunday in a row, we celebrated the end of their bike ride (this time both
of them got flats and needed to be rescued before the vultures moved in)
and my run with a gorging at everyone’s favorite international restaurant,
IHOP. We invited the neighbors along today and five people consumed
19 pancakes, 14 strips of bacon, 13 eggs, 8 sausage links, 8 oz. of steak,
6 pieces of French Toast, 4 ham patties, 4 servings of hash browns, 3 cheese
blintzes, 3 glasses of OJ and one glass of milk. And remember, these
guys don’t go out on Saturday night for health reasons. They go to
bed early so that they can get up early on Sunday for a bike ride to get
in shape. Somehow I think a few beers on Saturday night and sleeping
through the bike ride and IHOP might get them there faster.
After spending the first several days trying to windsurf (i.e., slicing open
my shins on the board and chumming for sharks as I swam the 300 yards to
shore), I was able to coerce my two gracious hosts into joining me on a kayak
trip in South Maui. This was my first venture away from the windy confines
of Kahului, and I realized upon seeing another part of the island that Maui
is indeed truly stunning. The water is crystal clear and warm, the
sun is always shining, the wind is calm, and tropical fish and sea turtles
(and theoretically dolphins and whales) are plentiful. Today I explored
some more and took the Hana Highway out to a place called Blue Pool where
you can sit in a freshwater pool bound on one side by a 150-foot waterfall
and on the other by the Pacific surf crashing into rocks. Maui is spectacular
and there are many things to do on this island besides windsurf all day,
every day.
The celebrity factor on Maui is also quite impressive. On our Kayak trip
the other day, our guide pointed out the homes of Clint Eastwood, Michael
Jordan and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Of course, we didn’t see any of those
guys, but in the last few days we met Tom Brady’s cousin, and a Kayak tour
guide who turns out to be a close personal friend of former WBCN DJ Charles
Loquidara. Talk about being star-struck!
Our tour guide also was (and still is) a native Hawaiian. When I asked
him if he windsurfed, he laughed and told me that none of the natives windsurf.
The natives surf and resent the foreign intrusion of windsurfers who get
in the way. It’s good to know we mainlanders are truly welcome on the
island.
In short, South Maui is paradise. East Maui is paradise. West
Maui is supposed to be also (that’s for next week). The only place
on Maui that is less than true paradise is the north shore, right by the
airport, where the wind blows and the planes fly low overhead. Jon
and Eric picked this spot, of course. The windsurfers can have Kahului;
I’m retiring to South Maui. And Rusty, Miami might have some sunshine,
but it ain’t no Maui.