Here are the terms and conditions of which one parent came to visit
Jon and Eric:
Agreement made this 21st day of July, 2002 by and between: Jon Finegold
and Eric Falk, both of undetermined and certainly undisclosed permanent address,
but with post office boxes at Kahului Mail Boxes Etc and Paia U.S. Postal
Service, respectively (parties of the first part, hereinafter collectively
referred to as “JERIC”); and Alan Falk of Salem, Massachusetts, party of
the second part (sometimes referred to as “Dad”, or, “Alan” or “Foil” or
“Target.”)
WITNESSETH:
Whereas, JERIC are windsurfers spending four (4) months perfecting their
craft and beginning kite surfing in Maui until August 31, 2002, and
Whereas, JERIC’s friends have visited them and departed leaving an unoccupied
room available for parental visits on and after July 21, 2002; and
Whereas, Alan (a.k.a. deep pockets) has been approached by JERIC to visit
them and as an inducement for them to do so have offered the following activities
(none of which are within Alan’s fields of interest or area of expertise,
talent, abilities) and cause him to react in the following ways, respectively:
WindSurfing – Long learning curve
Kiting – Only of fraudulent checks
Cycling – Too much effort
Yoga – Taking the week off
Surfing – Requires getting wet
Kayaking – See cycling and also may require getting wet
Snorkeling – Fear of fish
Hiking – Potential for excess mud and dirt on body and clothes
Horseback Riding – Sore jewels
Fishing – Smell of bait is sickening
Golf – Loss of balls gets expensive
Boating – Sea sickness
Camping – Mosquitoes
Boogie Boarding – See “Surfing”
Helicopter rides – Fear of heights
Jet Skiing – Boring
(all herein called “Activities”); and
Whereas, Alan (a.k.a the game one), notwithstanding such reactions and in
order for him to witness first hand how two handsome dudes at the beginning
of the 21st century would live if they had their ‘druthers’ has agreed to
visit JERIC for ten (10) days (inclusive of about 12 hours of air travel
each way providing multiple opportunities to savor American Airlines food).
Now therefore, in consideration of $1.00 and other good and valuable consideration
paid by JERIC to Alan and vice versa, the parties agree as follows:
1. JERIC will pick Alan up at the Maui Airport on July
21 and return him there on July 31 all at no additional charge.
2. JERIC will provide Alan with a private room for him
to sleep in (all bikes, sails and boards having been removed and sheets cleaned
of any DNA samples.)
3. JERIC will be mindful of and sensitive to Alan’s digestive
system, including a full and complete warranty of their plumbing system.
4. Whenever JERIC go windsurfing or kite surfing, Alan
will be invited to watch and critique their styles, talent and expertise.
5. Alan will not be required to partake of any of the Activities
except Alan shall be required in the pouring rain to hike in the bamboo forest
in his brand new immaculate New Balance running shoes (a.k.a sneakers) and
woolen Red Sox cap on the trail of red mud and slippery rocks taking his
life in his hands, all of which may occur due to JERIC trickery and misleading
statements and with the offer of reward of a fresh sugar cane, mango and
banana drink (which is totally insensitive to the aforementioned digestive
system)
6. Alan may read and sleep a lot
7. During any period where Alan should decline to participate
in the Activities, Alan will test and report to JERIC on all “Eggs Benedict”
served on the island of Maui
8. Alan will be required to prepare a pancake meal if and
only if JERIC provide the appropriate Aunt Jamaima™ brand pancake mix for
said meal
9. Alan will be required to provide history lessons upon
request for any topic for which he has witnessed, learned of through mass
media or read about upon request by JERIC
a. JERIC will be allowed to tune out should Alan talk at great length (“Ramble Endlessly”) on any topic, even those requested or asked about by JERIC
10. Alan is permitted to repeat any stories,
tales, anecdotes, jokes or joke attempts (“Ramblings”) that he has told in
the past to JERIC whereas JERIC are required to laugh or respond appropriately
to those stories for the first three repetitions of any Ramblings
In Witness whereof, the parties have hereunto set their hands in seals this
21st day of July, 2002.
Jon Finegold
Eric Falk
Alan Falk